Infidelity
“Most people are going to have two to three marriages or committed relationships in their adult life. Some of us will have them with the same person.”
Infidelity is a form of relational trauma and can shake the very core of a relationship, turning each person’s world upside down. Infidelity can take many shapes, presenting as emotional, sexual, internet/online-based, or even financial. The discovery of infidelity can bring pain and a different set of emotions for each partner. In the early stages, it is normal and common to experience distressing emotions. One partner’s feelings may range from overwhelm to anger to sadness to devastation. While the other partner may move from guilt to ambivalence to shame to worry.
Common Affair Recovery Phases:
1. The Crisis Phase
This phase often lasts three to six months and usually begins when the infidelity is first disclosed. It is common to experience symptoms that are similar to PTSD and to find yourself in a state of fight, flight, or freeze. In this phase, support (from a partner, therapist, or an identified safe person), self-care and coping resources are vital. This is not a phase in which to make life-changing decisions.
2. The “Meaning Making” Insight Phase
Here we begin to explore what made your relationship vulnerable to infidelity. This may be environmental, individual, or relational. The couple creates a coherent narrative together that helps them gain understanding and insight into “how did our relationship get here?” Couples begin to understand the deeper meaning behind the affair. Things are often not what they appear to be.
3. The Vision Phase
The couple explores their vision for the relationship moving forward, whether that be together or apart. Here couples work toward increased emotional and sexual connection/attunement with one another. Therapy focuses on helping couples develop new skills and ways of interacting with one another and provides resources to improve relationship satisfaction and prevent future experiences of infidelity. The couple can create a new relational agreement that honors their new relationship and vision moving forward.
According to Esther Perel, “Most people are going to have two to three marriages or committed relationships in their adult life. Some of us will have them with the same person.” At R & S Health Initiative, we are here to help couples create their next relationship together while restoring trust and intimacy.
